9/11 10 year tribute

I wrote this poem on the morning of 12th September 2001 - when we in Australia woke up to the horror that had taken place in New York.

I was on holiday in Mitchell, outback Queensland and had no television, computer or radio.... and to be honest I'm glad I didn't... otherwise I probably would have sat glued to it for hours watching and rewatching and traumatising myself in the process.

TERRORISM
Another day is dawning
as we wake upon this morning
and we're full of life and hope of what's to be
then we hear about the horror
many will see no tomorrow
in that land of freedom, hope and liberty

We're all shocked and stunned undoubted
God's laws have all been flouted
how can man commit such crimes against another
many thousands have been slaughtered
someone's sons and someone's daughters
sisters, brothers, husbands & wives, fathers and mothers

I fear that this will get much bigger
that these actions are a trigger
for an anger that's been bubbling deep within
as we retaliate with fury
and call for judge and jury
What has happened?
What have we seen just begin?

My thoughts and prayers are with those who lost loved ones in the attacks on 11th September 2001 or in any of the attacks/battles/wars since that have come about directly or indirectly as a result.

AS WE WEAKEN LEGISLATION

I see a major problem
looming as we move ahead
If we weaken legislation
More women end up dead

The domestic violence legislation
has been watered down and now
It's becoming more generic
by the minute and the hour

Violence is illegal
We all need to know that's true
and ALL should be protected
that includes both me and you

As long as we remember
the imbalance as it stands
You're disadvantaged as a woman
you still have more power as a man

Now this poem won't make me popular
Do you think that I don't know
There are many people in this land
Who would maintain the status quo

Yes, women hit their husbands too
but there's a difference in the strife
He fears he will be laughed at
She's frightened for her life!!

Repeating Cycles

This little boy is frightened
He's frightened for his life
He's seen his Daddy hit his Mummy
and now he's got a knife

He watches and he sees the hurt
they live with day to day
The pain too great for him to bear
But this he mustn't say

As he grows up with this violence
He makes a vow that he won't keep
He promises himself
That his wife he'll never beat

But this little boy grows angry
When his father hits his mother
and how will he vent his anger
If it's not to hit another

He meets a girl and falls in love
He's sure his love is true
But before too long he's hitting her
Now.... what is he to do??

MELTING THE ICY HANDS AROUND MY HEART

I've spent years now writing poetry
about the life that I have lived
of how the trauma has affected me
and the damage that it did

Now you may think from what you're reading
that my life was really bad
and indeed it was for many years
when I never could be sad

If the trauma isn't dealt with
and the feelings are not felt
then the icy hands around one's heart
are impossible to melt

There have been times throughout my life
when things happened and I'd smile
I looked like I was happy
I even fooled me for a while

But smiling doesn't mean I'm happy
and crying doesn't mean I'm sad
I did both these things to protect myself
all I ever felt was BAD

Now there are times when I'm connected
and a smile comes from my heart
and the tears come from the pain within
and I no longer live apart!!

PASS IT ON

....and following on from the last poem....

I gave to her the space
that she could be just who she was
I know the pain she carries
and I don't need to know the cause

I know enough from my own life
to know her pain runs deep
I have no need to fix her
So I'll just sit and let her weep

She came to me with grateful heart
She wanted me to know
How deeply she was thankful
I said "I'm glad it's so"

I didn't do it for her
I just sat and let her be
She cried and talked and cried some more
she needed to be free

If we can give another
the opportunity to be real
without advice and judgement
This is how we all can heal!!

GRATEFUL HEART

She gave to me the space
that I could be just who I was
She knew the pain I carried
and didn't need to know the cause

She knew enough from her own life
to know my pain's real deep
She didn't try to fix me
She just sat and let me weep

Thank you, thank you, thank you
were the words that I then said
"You've done for me a wondrous thing"
"You've helped to clear my head"

"It wasn't me that did it"
"It was you.... You are an Ace"
:I can't do for you what you just did"
"I just provide the space"

2001

DEPRESSION

This one is dedicated to anyone who has ever experienced the depths of pain and depression of living with unhealed emotional trauma.  Written in 2001

The pain like waves
it ebbs and flows
I do the work
and pray it goes

Addictions come up
I fear their cost
If I really indulge
All will be lost

I fear that I will lose myself
With backwards steps I'm over the edge
This pain too great, can I really bear?
What if I disappear?? Will anyone care???

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER

The children see

the bloodstained walls, the linen and the bruising

they heard the whack the night before

when you came home from boozing

Nothing's said - the food is served

the tension is extreme

Nothing's said - the dishes done

the atmosphere's obscene

The linen sits in laundry pile

waiting to be done

My mothers blood does wash away

Sheets hang out in the sun

Nothing's said - the day goes on

We mustn't say a thing

Nothing's said - we don't dare ask

for more violence we could bring

We live like this... not every day

But it happens.... and who knows

Will this night bring us peace and calm

or shouts and threats and blows

Nothing's said - the day is done

they're moving back together

Nothing's said - it's time for bed

Let's talk about the weather...

It will be quiet tonight I know

he is feeling deep remorse

But the time will come again we know

it's just par for the course

Nothing's said - and life goes on

the children grow and leave

Nothing's said - their babes are born

They too watch their mothers bleed

She's older now and he's long gone

but still she does deny it

the horror that the kids did see

they're all still keeping quiet

Nothing's said - we'll blame the child

for acting out his anger

Nothing's said - this child does cry!!

And no one sees the danger

Don't blame the kids for what they do

the kids are just repeating

the violent cycles they have lived

As their mother copped a beating!!!

Inner Journey

No poetry runs through my mind
No rhyming words to catch
I'm sitting here waiting for
The words to come that match

Thoughts of past and future too
Are nowhere to be found
The day presents, life opens up
It's great to be here now

The day ahead is mine to have
To live it as I be
To stand up tall and walk right in
I'm proud to call her me

We've been through hell this girl and I
We stood and faced the lot
She showed me where the damage was
from when I was just a tot

I held her hand and she took me back
and showed me what was there
I had long denied the affect on me
I didn't really care

I held her hand and helped her up
and held her while she cried
the pain, the fear, the guilt and shame
when a baby sister died

I held her too as she cried hard
for all the damage done
From the things she saw and heard back then
she no longer needs to run

I've held her close and felt her pain
for a life affected by violence
It hurt real deep to witness rape
and then to keep the silence

I denied her pain for many years
of the abuse that she had lived with
Today she knows that I am here
and that her pain's my greatest gift

She trusts me now and likes me too
She knows I won't deny her
We love together, her and I
and the pain is less inside her

The day has come and we are free
to stand up and walk tall
and play and skip and jump and run
Life really is a ball!!

My First Poem

On the 22 August 2000 I wrote my very first poem - I write predominantly in rhyme and there was a period of about 3 - 4 years when I wrote and wrote and wrote some more....  I had found my way of giving voice to the depth of pain that I was healing...

This was the first one...

If I could find the words to rhyme
My poetry would flow
And then I would tell all the world
Of places that I go

I'd tell you all how sad I feel
That I was not enough
To those that I thought loved me
But who taught me to be tough

I would tell you of the times I cry
Today when thoughts do spring
Into my mind the echoes heard
Of voices saying things

They say that I don't do it right...
That I will never do
That really who do I think I am
to walk alongside of you

They needed me to be their pet
to say and do and feel
the things that were okay with them
but for me that were not real

Today I choose to walk the road
That God within has shown
The path has rocks, and twists and turns
But indeed it is my own!!

5 Star Girl

I know a woman

She's a 5 star girl

Like sand does in an oyster

Life created her as a pearl

She never used to like herself

And the path she walked was hard

Always wanting to be another
Life's reality was dark

She lived with people who like diamonds
And emeralds, rubies, sapphires too
They thought pearls were really boring
And she knew she'd never do

She dressed up in fancy clothing
And got jobs toward the top
she thought if she tried hard enough
That she could fool the lot

She'd pretend to be a diamond
Or a ruby, rich and red
The they would really like her
And she'd no longer suffer dread

A dread that deep inside she knew
That the truth she had denied
She'd dishonoured who she really was
When herself she tried to hide

Many years have passed since way back then
And she no longer tries to hide
Her life's committment is to be visible
To let others see inside

A pearl's created out of friction
It begins it's life as sand
The transformation is a process
In which God has had a hand

Today I know a woman
She's a 5 star girl
And she delights in all her glory
She celebrates that she's a pearl!

What is it?

What is this hell I live with?
Is it affecting you as well
Do you wake up wondering if you'll cope
Or will you need your protective shell

Do you guard yourself from strangers?
Never knowing who to trust
Never really showing who you are
But to those you love the most

I know it well, this feel of dread
that I wake with time to time
Another day to conquer
to get through, to make it mine...

These days I know how to cope
with days that aren't the best
I know the darkness does not last
But for now.....
I need to rest!!

Once Upon a Fairytale...

Once upon a fairytale

Many years ago

There was a darkness that engulfed her life

So black she didn't know...